Mal's Funeral
by the unknown uploader
Summary: Chris holds a ceremony to honor the Malevolent One and invites all the Total Drama contestants. Of course he forgets to tell them why they're there! My first Total Drama fan fiction, so bear with me.


**This is my first Total Drama fan fiction, so please bear with me. And thanks to ****_shinxshinx1595 _****for some ideas. I, the unknown uploader, do not own any of the following characters, so don't sue me.**

* * *

It was nice and sunny that day. However, forty people, two freaky mutants, and one coconut, were all inside a church, attending a ceremony that hadn't started yet. They had been waiting for a whole hour because there host, the "great" Chris McLean, hadn't arrived yet. Everybody there knew what Chris was like, so they had all expected that they were going to have to participate in some kind of life-threatening challenge. Yet they all still arrived in their best clothes. Except Ezekiel, as he would just tear them up. He was given a muzzle and locked in a cage. Everybody there was starting to lose interest. Owen had fallen asleep, Izzy was biting his arm, Noah was reading his book, Sam was playing one of his games, Sierra was updating her blogs, Duncan was carving "D + G" on the pews, that kind of thing. Then after what seemed like an eternity of silence, except Staci's babbling, all the lights suddenly turned off. A spotlight appeared on Chef Hatchet who started doing a drum roll on his drums.

"Not this again," muttered Leshawna. Another spotlight shined on the podium at the front, where Chris McLean was standing.

"_Finally_," everyone thought.

Chris walked up to the microphone and spoke: "Ladies and gentlemen and Ezekiel."

There was some scuffling heard as Zeke tried hopelessly to break out of the cage so he could get Chris.

"I have gathered you hear today-"

"To be part of some dumb challenge, right?" Gwen asked.

"No, I brought you all here to-"

"Host the new Aftermath?" Geoff asked. He had stopped being "Captain Hollywood" and got back to being his old self, and he wanted to right his mistakes on the show.

"No, let me finish. I have gathered you all here today to honor the man who touched viewers with his quality antics. The guy who's many escapades to made him a fan favorite, and made me a lot of money," Chris said grinning.

"This can't end well," muttered Noah.

"Who's he talkin' about?" questioned Anne Maria.

"I was just about to ask you," said Tyler.

"Why are we here Tyler?" Lindsay asked.

"We don't know," Beth answered.

"Wow, for once I'm not the only one confused!" Lindsay said happily.

"It's starting to sound Chris made this whole thing about himself."

"You're probably right Cody bear!" Sierra squealed, squeezing Cody tighter.

"When do we get to eat?" Owen, who was woken up by Chris' theme music, inquired.

"When Chris is done talking about this mystery person nobody knows about," Izzy whispered.

"Maybe this person will be nice," DJ naively suggested. His mother sitting next to him nodded.

"With our luck, it's probably the bear!" Courtney quietly screamed, receiving a whack from Momma's purse.

"We are here today to honor the person who, like I always envisioned, died trying to win one million dollars!" Chris said grinning, as he did the Dr. Evil pose.

"Leave it to Chris to be happy at a funeral," Trent said, making Gwen smile at him.

"Okay seriously, who die? Everybody is here!" Courtney yelled standing up and gesturing all around the church.

"Every_body _is here, but that doesn't mean-"

"WOULD YOU HURRY IT UP! I HAVE PLANS TONIGHT!" shouted Chef.

"ALRIGHT, JEEZ! The person we are all here to honor, the poor competitor who is no longer with us, the pitiful player that-"

"GET ON WITH IT!" yelled everybody except B, Ezekiel and Mr. Coconut.

"IT'S MAL! THE GUY WHO DIED IS MAL! ARE YOU PEOPLE HAPPY?!"

"WHAT!"

"I'm outta here," said Duncan as got up to walk away, only to get stopped by Courtney.

"C'mon, I hate that guy too. It's because of him I got kicked off!" Courtney yelled.

"I hate him more than all of you guys; I knew him back in juvie!"

"What's your deal, McLean? That guy buried me under rubble!" yelled Gwen.

"He got beaten up by a shark!" yelled Scott.

"He soiled my honor!" yelled Alejandro.

"He tried to throw in toxic waste!" yelled Heather.

"He tried dropping a boulder on me!" yelled Cameron.

"He tried to kill me three times!" yelled Zoey. They both look at Mike who was sitting in between them, looking guilty.

"Sorry," they say in unison.

"Scary Mal hurt Spider Izzy!" yelled Izzy.

"Not to mention he got me trampled by animals!" yelled Chef.

"Okay, I know you all hate Mal. Why do you think I made this funeral about him in the first place? Did you think **I** liked him? Yeah right," said Chris.

"Can I go now?" asked Duncan.

"Not yet. I think there needs to be a little more drama before I can air this," said Chris.

"You're really messed up," said Chef.

"I know, I know," Chris replied.

"You need more drama huh?" Duncan commented, walking towards Mike.

"I can make that happen," Duncan said as he punched Mike straight in the jaw.

"That's for what you did in juvie!" Duncan yelled. As Mike got up, Duncan kicked in the chest.

"That's for making me look like a goody two-shoes," said Duncan.

Duncan lifted Mike up by his neck and throttled him.

"That's for what you did to Gwen!" Trent looked at Gwen suspiciously.

"I'm over him," said Gwen.

"I had no doubt," said Trent as they kissed.

"Get the camera back to the fight!" yelled Chris.

Duncan was now holding Mike over his head.

"And this is for Courtney!" Duncan yelled as he tossed Mike across the church.

"Who's the bad boy now!" shouted Duncan. "You are so immature!" said Courtney.

"And that's why I love you!" she said as she kissed Duncan.

"Huh," sighed Scott sadly.

"That's more like it. Okay you can all go." Everybody left, except for Owen and Izzy, who were eating the buffet, and Zoey, who was shaking an unconscious Mike.

"Mike, wake up!"

"Why did I do it?" said Mike.

"You didn't do those things, Mal did!" Zoey said, assuming Mike was upset about what Mal did.

"No not that. Why did I get rid of the others?"

"What others-"

"CHESTER, VITO, SVETLANA, MANITOBA! WHY DID I LET THEM CONVINCE ME INTO PRESSING THE DAMN RESET BUTTON!"

"Mike, they wanted you to do it for the greater good. There was no other way to get rid of Mal-"

"IT DOSEN'T MATTER! THEY WERE MY FRIENDS AND I KILLED THEM!" Mike couldn't contain the grief anymore.

"Mike please, that's not what happened-"

"THEY'RE GONE AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT!"

"Mike, calm down! They're completely! They're in your heart, like E.T!" said Zoey. Mike smiled; he did like E.T.

"Thanks Zoey." He got up, held her hand, and walked her to his car. They laughed and talked all the way to her house.

"Bye," said Zoey as she got out of the car.

"Bye." said Mike.

* * *

Mike drove home, had dinner, watched E.T., put on his sleep ware, brushed his teeth, and went to bed. That night, he had the dream about kissing Zoey in the rain that Manitoba burned. But about 3 seconds into it, it stopped. Mike looked around and saw he was in his subconscious.

"Huh, it's so empty now that they're gone," said Mike. He sat down and cried.

"Get up you salami head!"

"Chester?" asked Mike.

"No, it's Ed Sullivan! Of course it's me, ya' whippersnapper!" replied Chester.

"He's not the only one back here, mate," said Manitoba.

"Vito is back, baby," said Vito.

"Ve have all returned." said Svetlana.

"Oh, I'm so glad to have you guys back!" exclaimed Mike. He then looked at his alternate personalities and noticed how mad they looked.

"What's the matter?" asked Mike. No response.

"Is this about the reset button?" asked a confused Mike. No response.

"What's the matter?"

"Why were ypu at a funeral for Mal?" asked Manitoba.

"What?" Mike asked.

"Why was ze funeral for Mal, and not us?! Didn't you miss us?!" screamed Svetlana.

"THAT WASN'T MY IDEA! CHRIS ORGANIZED IT TO GET SOME T.V. RATINGS! I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! I'VE MISSED YOU GUYS MORE THAN YOU COULD IMAGINE!" yelled Mike. All the personalities looked at each other.

"DOG PILE ON MIKE!" yelled Vito. All the personalities jumped on Mike.

"Oh you guys!" said Mike. They all started laughing.

"_Everything is back to normal,"_ thought Mike, Manitoba, Vito, Svetlana and Chester just kept laughing until they realized they weren't the only ones there. Everybody looked up and saw Mal was on top of the pile, laughing.

"Hahahahahahaha!" Mal looked done and noticed the others stopped laughing.

"Was it something I said?"


End file.
